keep thinking about the bonedog poem in rotten mouth or whatever the name was, the poem of "i'm thinking of ending things". it reminds me of the line "she loves me like a dog". does alex g mean she is like the dog, that she loves him unconditionally, or is alex g the dog, and sarah sees him as someone lovable, but beneath him? that's the catch with such a short sentence. it can mean so many diferent things, it depends on the perspective of the listener. i first thought it meant the latter, but understood the first option when i read the lyrics on genious. what the hell man
shit keeps going on. uni gets harder and harder, like the dick of a young man who is trying viagra for the first time. i read somewhere the sun keeps rising up and down like a tired whore. i wonder where i read it...just searched it, it was bondedog again. i wish i came up with it myself, but i can only try making dick jokes, haha.
my meds keep on changing. i take now double the quantity of antidepressant. the pills for epilepsy aren't working, i had a seizure before a partial the other day. just whatever, i go with the flow, remaining unbothered. not because i'm zen or whatever, i think i just don't care anymore. i have a good life, i've known bad things. i've tried to take my life twice. i just am on meds, and not care. it's not really happiness, it's more like boredom. i do wonder if i'll try taking my life once i get off the meds... i'll try to live, though. i want to have the spark i once had. i just am too tired to get it.
i have antidepressants, pills for epilepsy, anxiety pills, sleeping pills... i feel like a walking pharmacy
trying to put images here is like trying to catch a fish with a hand, almost impossible. should have made a step by step guide for myself when i did put the first one